A day in the life of me…travelling

On the bus

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Check inImageAirport “fika” – 170 dkk… So not worth it Image

H&M is everywhere…apparentlyImageAnybody up for bingo? I know just the place!ImageAfter 8h without anything to eat McD tastes pretty goodImageMust-do-nr1: Icecream at Della PalmaImage

Well hello there… Image

Must-do-nr2: Coffee at Sant’ Eustachio.Image

Small service in the church Santa Maria sopra MinervaImage

This was so good I thought I was gonna fall of my chair. I had never eaten artichoke like this, but this is my absolute favorite so far – fried pieces of artichoke. Oh dear. Image

Nice little installation. Don´t really know what the cellphone is doing there though.Image

Poor lobsters with their claws all tied up.Image

And this monster of a building…Image

Beautiful piece of floor in the church of San Marco by Piazza Venezia.Image

Pink skeleton in store window…Image

Lions, water and an obelisk on Piazza del Popolo.Image

My room.Image

And my room from another angle.Image

Oh, and by the way, I was on the same plane as some of the crew members of Eros Ramazottis NOI-tour. I sat next to one of them, but he wasn´t so chatty. He slept through the entire trip. 

ImageGoodnight, and sleep tight!

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About loosing oneself and finding a way back

These last two years I´ve lost touch of myself. Everyday when I walk through that door to work, a part of me dies. Everyday I feel I´m getting a little dumber. I have completely lost touch of myself and who I am in this absurd climate that is my workplace. 

I could go on and on about this, and all the negative stuff I have to say about this company that I work for, but I choose not to. Not at the moment anyway. I just wanna forget. Just wanna move on. 

One more day to work before I go back to my beloved Rome, and can forget some of this everyday agony. When I get back there´s only 4 more days and after that I´m free. 

 

Lovely. Can´t wait to get back to myself.

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The light at the end of the tunnel

I can see it now… finally. Two years of captivity will soon be over. Two years of a constant bad feeling…constant angst… constant cult-like indoctrination… Over. O-V-E-R. Over. 

Why haven´t I done anything about this before? Well, one has to survive right, make a living and so on.

 

That´s why anything drastic hasn´t happened until now. I´ve been trying to get for a long long time, almost since I started working there, but nothing has gone my way. Until now. I´m very happy. 

 

 

 

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that special feeling

Four years ago, in march, I went to Rome for the first time in eleven years. It was a birthday present from myself for myself. Oh, and how I longed for it! The first time I was there was, as I said, eleven years before. Since then, every single day for eleven years, I wanted to go back. I read a lot about Rome, mostly the ancient part of the city, and I dreamed about it every day.

Not one day passed when i didn´t think about my great love, my heart, my city…my Rome. Everybody who has ever been there probably love the city, but my affection is quite different. At least I think so. This is on a totally different level.

Sometimes you can just feel IT… you know, that feeling crawling up inside of you. It starts in your heart, crawls up your throat, to your eyes and they get all moist, down to the legs so they get all tingly and start to shake, and on to your stomach to settle. THAT feeling.

I have many of these feelings from this place, and it´s probably not possible to tell them all right now. I´m only going to mention two.

The second night in Rome, la prima volta 2009. It´s night. I get up to Gianicolo, mostly to take a look at the monument to Giuseppe Garibaldi, and the words inscribed on it; Roma o morte. There´s always a lot of people up here; couples in love, families, young people partying… I leave Garibaldi for the moment and turn around. I knew the view from up here would be stunning. I get to the edge, to the wall. Every single person up here just disappears. They don´t exist. The only thing for my eyes is the city, spreading out in front of me. All of her lights smiles at me, her warmth embraces me, and it feels like I´m floating a bit above the ground.

The second day in Rom, la terza volta 2009. I´m in Rome with my brother and his family. We´re walking along the Via dei Fori Imperiali. It´s sunday, and the whole street is closed of to traffic and you can go wherever and however you want. I, as the privat tourguide of the group, babbles on about the imperial fora, Trajan´s markets and so on. We come from Piazza Venezia, and has just passed this wedding cake looking building, and Trajan´s markets and forum. Just before we get to the edge of the Forum of Caesar I look up to where Auguraculum once were. That feeling comes over me again and I loose my concentration. Completely. It sort of lifts me up a bit, and I was afraid to walk on. It´s like this feeling is trying to tell me something, like there´s something really really important below the streets pavement.

I know, this sounds really strange, and I don´t disagree with that. But this is the way the city makes me feel. Like my own personal brand of heroine.

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Let´s get it on!

Well, this hasn´t been a daily, or even weekly endeavour. Sorry about that. Anyhow, I don´t think I have that many readers anyway. 

I´ve been down and out, just trying to keep up with life and all it´s tasks. I think I´m good to go now. At least in certain aspects. I still hate my job more than anything, and the company I work for is just to much too handle. I got my hopes on the doctorate program, but I don´t really know what my chances are. There´s been 15 applicants for one spot, and every single one of them/us are more than qualified. The competition is fierce, to say the least. We´ll probably get the results in a couple of weeks, so I have to endure a little longer. Maybe just forget about the whole thing? (something I´m not that good at).

Even so, I got some more founding for my research project that span over one year (give or take). I´m really excited about this great opportunity, and it allows me for about 4-5 months in Rome, doing research. It´s going to be great! So, even if I don´t get the doctorate spot, I got a good thing going for the coming year. 

 

Cheers

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Getting jiggy with it

Slowly, very slowly. 

Got some good news yesterday, in form of a scholarship for partecipation in this year´s dig at S Omobono in Rome. Last year was my first time there. It was great in so many ways, and even greater was when one of the managers asked me if I wanted to do research on the commercial structures on the site. 

With this, I am applying for doctorate programs here in Sweden. I didn´t thought that any of the universities was going to announce doctorates this year, and here we are with a total of 6 vacant spots. Oh dear. This could be good. Last year it was three. 

I´m working on my dissertation plan at the moment, and I think it´s going well. I´m getting a little help from friends; two that´s writing their doctoral thesis now, and one that has a PhD. I don´t know what my chances are in getting a spot, but one can never know if one never tries, am I right?

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Bad times, good times

For the moment I ain´t doing that well. A bit too much stress coming at me from all different kinds of angles; from above, from the sides and striking with an immense blow from under my feet. It´s hard. It´s really hard.

I´m trying to cope, I really am. By being more present in the moment. By trying to fight off all people, all comments and all stressful elements that comes my way. Somedays it goes really well. Somedays it doesn´t. I´m getting there. It just takes time.

Today was a bad day. I´m pretty sure about what started this, and unfortunately that´s nothing that I can do about. Not for now anyway. It´s totally out of my control. 

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining, and sent rays of warmth to my cheeks, birds was singing and it felt like spring. Even so, it was not good. I really hate that feeling I get  a day like this, when everything should feel great and hopeful. I get really restless in the spring, especially when I´m inside and looking out the window; sun shining, sky blue, birds singing… I always get restless. And that is not a bad thing, not at all. 

But this day… these couple of months. No, I don´t like it. It´s not for me. 

 

I´ll be back. Out of the black, and in to the blue.

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